The Mechanics of a Plea

Today's word to me sort of made me want to punch things a little. Is that allowed? I mean, not that it made me angry, it was more in a sort of, "hey, me too, so what's going on here?!" sort of way.

Psalm 6:2 - "Be merciful to me, Lord, for I am faint; Oh Lord, heal me, for my bones are in agony."

My bones aren't the problem, but the gist of the message fits. Next verse: "My soul is in anguish. How long, O Lord, how long?" Yep. I know that feeling fairly well, too. You be sick long enough and it's not just about the body anymore. It sucks away at peace and happiness in your life, draining joy from even the simplest of things. How to get that back again? Turn your gaze up - right back where it belongs (as I say to myself, "self..."). "Turn, O Lord, and deliver me; save me because of your unfailing love."

Having been in just such a position (being sort of still there), I know just the tone that comes from it. Sort of a "please help me, Lord, but I don't blame you if you don't." Then there is sort of a trying to remember just why it is that God would bother to listen to such a lowly creature as me, and a little bit more desperation gets thrown into the mix. "No one remembers you when he is dead. Who praises you from the grave?" Now I don't know if David was actually sick enough to die when he wrote this. What I do know is that the human mind is great at seizing upon the most morbid of outcomes to a situation and convincing the rest of said human that it's the only outcome possible. Thus, at times, unnecessary fear enters into the situation. Even enough to keep one up night after night in turmoil, which doesn't help the health situation either.

"I am worn out from groaning; all night long I flood my bed with weeping and drench my couch with tears." It's pretty amazing how a bad situation can turn into a soul-sucking situation with the right/wrong application of psychological principles and self-pity. Don't get me wrong - been there, done that, and it pretty much sucks. It's really really hard to see out of that dark cloud you wrap yourself in when you're that miserable. But I still kind of wanted to tell David to go buy some chocolate to make him feel better. I kind of think he must have, and had a good friend around to remind him the answer to his problem was there all along, because he does get it in the end.

"The Lord has heard my cry for mercy; the Lord accepts my prayer." Ahhh. Sweet relief. Sort of like, "oh yeah! I'm not alone in this thing after all..." Now for me, I'm sort of at a mix between the "Deliver-Me-O-Lord" stage and the "Lord-Has-Heard-My-Cry" stage. Not healed yet, but remembering I'm not alone. Wondering why I'm not healed, because I know that God didn't make me sick, doesn't want me to be sick, and wants to heal me. The obstacle is on my end. So really I just have to keep praying that He'll show me what that is.

You know how you can feel like you know God really well in one area, because He has repeatedly shown Himself to be unfailing in that area. You know you can trust Him there. But then there's another area where the waters still seem muddy. You've asked and asked, begged and pleaded, and nothing seems to change? Like, the God who provides for me so unfailingly is the same God who heals me? But I'm still diseased! That sort of thing. Anyway. It's on the way. I'm waiting for it. Looking forward to knowing Him as the Healer in a personal, unshakable way.