The Mechanics of a Plea

Today's word to me sort of made me want to punch things a little. Is that allowed? I mean, not that it made me angry, it was more in a sort of, "hey, me too, so what's going on here?!" sort of way.

Psalm 6:2 - "Be merciful to me, Lord, for I am faint; Oh Lord, heal me, for my bones are in agony."

My bones aren't the problem, but the gist of the message fits. Next verse: "My soul is in anguish. How long, O Lord, how long?" Yep. I know that feeling fairly well, too. You be sick long enough and it's not just about the body anymore. It sucks away at peace and happiness in your life, draining joy from even the simplest of things. How to get that back again? Turn your gaze up - right back where it belongs (as I say to myself, "self..."). "Turn, O Lord, and deliver me; save me because of your unfailing love."

Having been in just such a position (being sort of still there), I know just the tone that comes from it. Sort of a "please help me, Lord, but I don't blame you if you don't." Then there is sort of a trying to remember just why it is that God would bother to listen to such a lowly creature as me, and a little bit more desperation gets thrown into the mix. "No one remembers you when he is dead. Who praises you from the grave?" Now I don't know if David was actually sick enough to die when he wrote this. What I do know is that the human mind is great at seizing upon the most morbid of outcomes to a situation and convincing the rest of said human that it's the only outcome possible. Thus, at times, unnecessary fear enters into the situation. Even enough to keep one up night after night in turmoil, which doesn't help the health situation either.

"I am worn out from groaning; all night long I flood my bed with weeping and drench my couch with tears." It's pretty amazing how a bad situation can turn into a soul-sucking situation with the right/wrong application of psychological principles and self-pity. Don't get me wrong - been there, done that, and it pretty much sucks. It's really really hard to see out of that dark cloud you wrap yourself in when you're that miserable. But I still kind of wanted to tell David to go buy some chocolate to make him feel better. I kind of think he must have, and had a good friend around to remind him the answer to his problem was there all along, because he does get it in the end.

"The Lord has heard my cry for mercy; the Lord accepts my prayer." Ahhh. Sweet relief. Sort of like, "oh yeah! I'm not alone in this thing after all..." Now for me, I'm sort of at a mix between the "Deliver-Me-O-Lord" stage and the "Lord-Has-Heard-My-Cry" stage. Not healed yet, but remembering I'm not alone. Wondering why I'm not healed, because I know that God didn't make me sick, doesn't want me to be sick, and wants to heal me. The obstacle is on my end. So really I just have to keep praying that He'll show me what that is.

You know how you can feel like you know God really well in one area, because He has repeatedly shown Himself to be unfailing in that area. You know you can trust Him there. But then there's another area where the waters still seem muddy. You've asked and asked, begged and pleaded, and nothing seems to change? Like, the God who provides for me so unfailingly is the same God who heals me? But I'm still diseased! That sort of thing. Anyway. It's on the way. I'm waiting for it. Looking forward to knowing Him as the Healer in a personal, unshakable way.

One of Us.

Luke 9:49-50

"'Master,' said John, 'we saw a man driving out demons in your name and we tried to stop him because he was not one of us.'

'Do not stop him,' Jesus said, 'for whoever is not against you is for you.'"

Whoa. Wait a sec. What happened there? John, and evidently the other disciples as well, seem to have got a little mixed up over the mission. Didn't Jesus send them out to heal the sick and cast demons out of the populace? Suddenly, someone else shows up who has come alongside them to do the same, in the same manner, and the focus of the mission shifts away from delivering people from their afflictions. Suddenly it is more important to be "one of us" than it is to do what Jesus said to go do.

Now, certainly I can understand a little bit of what the disciples may have been concerned about. I mean, after all, what do we really know about this character? We don't know him, remember? How do we know he isn't some kind of horrible person? The town drunk, or the jerk next door that yells at his kids and kicks the cat? Is that really the person we want to be broadcasting the name of Jesus all over the known world?

This I think is something that is important to note. John and the disciples are not upset with this man for trying to cast out demons in Jesus' name. They are upset because he is doing it. Because this man is commanding demons to leave in the name of Jesus, and the demons are fleeing. This tells me two things that the disciples probably ought have paid a little attention to: a) Just a guess, but I'm sort of thinking that it was Jesus and the power of his name that was casting out the demons, and this stranger was merely the tool that was employed to bring freedom to afflicted souls. b) That it probably doesn't matter what sort of fellow this man was. He was using the name of Jesus, knowing it had power, and the Lord honored that.

After all, if Jesus only used perfect vessels, where would any of us be besides tossed in the trash? Tax-collectors, prostitutes, the unwashed and unclean all carried out his purposes, and did he not love them dearly? He even embraced into the fold a man who was a notorious murderer of his beloved children! How likely is it that some stranger on the street could compare with any of those?

Taken with a grain of salt, I would imagine that what the disciples missed here was that the important thing is not who is wielding the name, but what he is doing with it, and this mission is something that Jesus clearly approved. He who is not against you is for you. "Guys, quit nitpicking and leave the dude alone! He's doing the same thing I told you to do! Be happy he's helping me, would you?"

Anyway. Food for thought.

Much love,

Anna Grace

The Quest for More! (The pilot episode...)

Okay, so since this is the first post on this blog, I figure it would be good if I was to explain my intentions/desires/hopes/etc. for writing this. May this mark the beginning (well... depending on from whose perspective, maybe the middle...?) of a journey to smash the despicable yoke of the mediocre off my neck. That's right. This Quest for More is a Quest for Greatness. Why capitalize those words, you may ask? Because they are Important. Pay attention. This Greatness I seek, it goes beyond merely human objectives of fame and glory, the frail fickle name I could make for myself among feeble man who are here for a day and gone like grass withering on a rooftop. No, the Greatness I seek to acquire is an eternal remembrance. To rock heaven and earth with my devotion so that the foundations of the earth are shaken to the core by what their Creator sends me to do for Him. This is my Quest. That I can disappear so that He can occupy the space left in my wake.

The Bible is full of stories of mediocre men and women leading their mediocre lives. They think they are safe because they're just enough on the right side of the fence not to get nailed, but in reality, there is not a one of them that doesn't still come to the same sticky end as those who didn't bother hopping the fence at all. I will not suffer the disgrace of living under mediocrity when all authority in heaven and on the earth has been given to my Lord and Master, who lends that same to me in His name and waits to see how I will use it - or if I will at all. So many don't.

Therefore - my objectives, in as much sense as I can make of them.

1. Learn to listen to the voice of God. God by very nature is The Word. He never ceases to speak truths, commands, and even gentle requests. I have got to learn to shut up and listen so I can figure out what it is that He is saying so that I can go do it!

2. Learn about the Holy Spirit, how to release Him. The Holy Spirit, residing in us, is the very person of the power of God. How is it that we can have the power of God living in our very bodies and feel and remain so powerless?

3. Learn to sanctify my life - walk where Jesus would walk, talk what Jesus would talk. If I'm taking Him with me wherever I go, it stands to reason I should probably go wherever He points me. Which leads right back to the 'listening to His voice' thing.

4. (This really should be number one, but these aren't ranked in order of Importance.) Love God. Love Him so much that I explode. When He asks me, "how far are you willing to bend over backward to get what I have to give you," I want to be able to reply every time without hesitation, "until my spine snaps."

Now for the real question. How do I accomplish all of this? That's the awesome part - the part that you, dear reader, get to share and observe. I don't. God gets to do it all. All I have to do is draw nearer, closer, inseparable from Him, and He'll take care of it.

Thus the point of this blog, be any of you slightly interested. Based loosely on my studies with my LifeJournal, I've noticed that I don't have enough room in that dear little book to write everything that crosses my mind or every verse that speaks to me and catches my attention. Therefore, the overflow will be landing here, not only so that I can have a record of it, but so that you, dear reader, may have the opportunity to add your own insights. I greatly value any pearls of wisdom you may choose to share concerning anything I post here. Furthermore, it is my hope that however many or few of you choose to read this commentary will honor me by holding me accountable, not only in what I write, but when I don't.

As I've already started my LifeJournal, you're going to be dropped in on existing story, sort of. Not too far, mind you. But as it is nearly midnight and I work tomorrow, I will be starting with tomorrow's reading. God be with us all in our dreams tonight.

Much love,

Anna Grace